You want to take some of the heat?

Today was to be my wedding day. But after everything that has happened it’s turned into a day where I can’t even look into the mirror. I woke this morning not really wanting to face the coming day. But I have to say the last two days have been much better. We are working things out and making them better to say the least. But with the family the focus has been taken away from us. At least with most of the family that is the case. Seems that one of her cousins has left her husband. There seems to be some really deep crap going on over there. Much worst than we could ever deal with. In the eyes of the family right now I am the better of two choices that is for sure. I am not cheating or selling drugs. Hell I am a fucking angel compared to this guy. The other reason I am feeling much better. Is that her Father came by last night and this morning for breakfast. And for all his faults, he is really a good guy. He is more like my Father than I at first thought. He is letting us deal with it since it’s our problem. Not trying to butt in or tell either of us what to do. He is just being a supportive Father and there for his daughter. This is good to know for sure.

Rougher days ahead

The countdown should be five and counting. But nope my insane mind has fucked that up. And right now I am just trying to get pass this week without to much bloodshed. Things around the house have been interesting to say the least. We have been talking and working on things but there is a bit of an uneasy tension. There are times that I see some glimmer of hope about us getting pass this. But then again there are signs that she is not getting over it and just wants to make me feel bad. Well it’s too late for that right now, I feel like hell damn near everyday I wake. We keep talking about the future, weeks down the road and even years down the road. There is a little at the end of the tunnel for sure. It’s just blinking off and on. More on than not but still blinking a bit.

An update

So the update is this. Two weeks from today I was to be getting married. As things go right at this moment that will not be the case.  As of right now we are talking things out and working on the things that went wrong, mainly me. What I didn’t understand is that to save up money you had to be discipline in it. Now here is the funny part. When I was younger I saved up money, lunch money, chore money any money I could find. I had no problem back then. Now it seems that the debit card is my worst enemy. Now we are going to work on a plan to help me with this. We are also going to go and get consoling for our relationship and with our money issues. Last night we had a very long and humbling talk. And it was very good to really sit and talk about these things. It should have happened a long time ago but it didn’t.  So now I know that she still wants to marry me and live with me forever. The only issue I have now is that she wants me to get her parents blessing. This I’m not really sure how I feel about this. Here is the problem. She has a Mom that has been married three times already. This is also the woman that abandoned her when she was young. So this is a ringing endorsement for a loving mother. Her Father on the other hand is an interesting man. He loves to be the center of attention. He also loves hanging out with women old enough to be his daughter. He has been married 3 times. The last one left him and took the kids out of the country and it really doesn’t seem like they are ever coming back. There are other issues that I can mention but it doesn’t excuse what I have done. But it makes the fact that she wants me to get their blessing just out and out strange. I almost think that she is just trying to see how far I will go for her. But at this point I will just play it by ear and hope for the best. Just have to keep moving forward for sure.  

I can't believe the last 48 hours? I went from being beyond happy to feeling the worst I have ever felt. I have lost my best friend and lover. I did something that I felt ashamed about. I made a money decision that effected both of us but I didn't talk with her about it. I thought I was doing the right thing but it blew up in my face. Everything was talked out and we were moving forward. It is said that the things that mess up a relationship are money, family and friends. I wish that things didn't get to this point but my love doesn't end just like that. I can only hope that we can work through this and be better for it in the end. I also wish that others can just stay out of our business and let the two people that are effect deal with it. I can't believe the woman I was going to married has let her family get in the way of what we were doing. My future mother in law has overstepped herself. instead of letting us deal with our problems she bends her ear and just fucks everything up. I don't know what is in our future but I can tell you I will never forgive her. She wants everyone to be bitter. She is the image to follow. the 3 time married woman, who is more of an friend than parent has fucked my life as well as her daughters. Lets see how much this back fires in her face.